What i realized last night

Last night i was at a party for some friend of a friend for his birthday… good party in terms of food and drink and the atmosphere was pretty decent as well – but I only knew 4 people who attended, out of about 40 and it brought back stark memories of my 20-something years. I felt very out of my depth last night.

I grew up in a very sheltered family; overprotected and not allowed to do much that most teenagers do ie: parties and going out later on weekends etc. My parents said they didnt trust my friends, but really they didnt trust me to make good choices either. They were scared shitless I”d have a drink or two and turn into an alcoholic :O  So, i basically never went to parties until I left home at the age of 17; one day after graduation!

I did attend a few parties here and there, but as I am not much of a drinker, didnt do pot/dope and wasnt sure how to have a decent conversation with a stranger, my party days were short lived- I’d rather go to the dentist than a party! As i got older, and more comfortable in my own skin, I got to be okay at ‘parties’ if the people attending were mostly people i already knew… i still didnt like being in a room of strangers at that point.

Last night sort of brought all that back. I chose to not drink last night and there is nothing worse than being in a room of people drinking and eating to excess when you are not partaking of same! i felt very much the shy recluse last night again – like i did 20 something years ago. Thankfully a very nice retired man took it upon himself to start a conversation with me -turns out he was a high school teacher in areas that i attended high school as a teenager and so we had one thing in common at least. We also had in common the dislike of being in a room full of strangers so we went for a walk to ‘walk off dinner’. It was quite enjoyable actually.

As for drink – I realized last night that drink is from the devil lol. Seriously – drink is the only substance i can think of that gives people a false sense of security, of bravado – allows them to do or say things they would not normallly do sober. Most people cannot stop at one drink – two or three maybe but not one. Its empty calories and not good for you in the least (a glass of red wine daily might be good for heart attack prevention but is still deadly on the immune system and liver)… and most people that habitually drink even one a day, have this puffy faced countenance – just start observing people in the pub or at that next party you attend! You’ll see what i mean. I’ve decided pretty much that at my age i need all the help i can get to keep looking okay so drink is off my list for the most part – the odd one here or there but no more just to be ’sociable’.  Besides most of the people i know that Social Drink, seem to be in a fog all the time even when not drinking… i’d rather be awake and alive and alert.

Funny how observing people (for me) brings out thoughts and ideas of things… which is also why i’m no good at parties – i’d much rather sit and listen to conversations around me than inject my 2 cents worth!

observations on my new home – day 3

just some stuff point form as i’m running low on laptop battery and short on starbucks card minutes

-no internet for a week till they do a house call – and thats how long i have to wait. not impressed
-it hasnt rained once. its been a constant 82 degrees F about 22 celcius and decidedly dry rather than muggy and i love it
-people in stores are friendlier and actually HELP you!
-people on the street are friendlier too and want to tell u their life story (a total stranger lol)
-we dont have garbage pickup. we have to take it to the dump
-there is only one movie hall in town with 2 movies to choose from
-we have a home depot and a walmart though. not sure if thats good or bad lol
-went to Lumby for their fair yesterday. it was better than any fair i’ve been to in vancouver. seriously.
-its tried to thunder and lightning for two nights – around the edges of the sky its been doing so, but not overhead in the town… the clouds just keep building and building and you can feel the electricity in the air.
-we are in a basement suite. small. cramped. but cool and the best choice for a hot summer i think
-food up here ie produce and veggies, is not very good. not until growing season hits and we can buy local. i’\ve been spoiled on teh coast with tons of hot houses and local stuff from washington and oregan. going to be hard to get used to it not so.

thats about it for now… more later when i can get back on line. tomorrow maybe.

Leaving home

we’re moving. we will be out by thursday night/friday morning and moved to a new location after nearly 18 yrs in the same house. I dont really feel any specific attachment to this place – it is what it is and its been a crazy house with never quite enough room but we’ve always made it work somehow. i’m more attached to my personal items that go into any house i live in.

i was soaking in the tub after 4 hours of loading the moving truck, and happened to look up at the now faded green paint on the walls, the medicine cabinet that was installed brand new by us way back (and which now has a chipped mirror on one side), and our towel bars (utilitarian white metal)… and thinking… when we moved in here, we looked around at the items left by the previous owners (towel bars, old appliances, ratty old chocolate brown shag carpet etc) and could hardly wait to rip, tear, cut and build our way through the entire home to eliminate anything old, worn, faded, broken or not to our tastes and boy we went to town!

as i soaked in my bubbles looking at those towel rods, i realized that the people that have purchased our house will come in and do the exact same thing! They’ll probably replace the pvc mini blinds (never could figure out how to dress our three odd sized, odd height living room windows). They’ll most likely rip out the carpet in our upstairs bedroom (which came from a hotel reno job years ago for free – expensive carpet at the time and mountains of it only a year old), and yes.. they’ll probably replace the towel rods with something in brushed aluminum.

but you know what? i dont care I”m hopefully going to do the same thing at my new house!

no chocolate

No chocolate for a month.

That’s what I promised Collective Soul on their Twitter page 16 days ago. And I’ll stick to it even though they’ll never know if I cheat or not. Am I crazy? Just might be   But so is this band. Sometimes they exasperate me, often they surprise me – but always they inspire me.

Collective Soul joined Twitter a few months back and have not only followed all those following them, but engaged in two way conversations with as many fans, as often as they can. They’ve shared pics of their recording sessions for the next album with us -complete with singer Ed Roland resplendant in pyjamas in this photo. They’ve done Q+A sessions on 3 laptops in real time, and filmed various band members answering selected questions only minutes after fans posted those questions.

Just recently, they asked: “Tweeps- we are going to try to film and post the rehearsal at the studio tomorrow- respond to us HOW MUCH YOU WANT IT (for Ed)”

Without hesitation I said: “I want to see rehearsal video so much I’ll give up chocolate for a month, and I eat it EVERY DAY.”

They really tried – but Youtube was not cooperating that night, so we ended up seeing the video the next day. Was it worth depriving myself of the deep, dark, luscious, velvety smoothness for a day, let alone 30 days in a row? Yes!

So why haven’t I cheated? Why am I determined to make the one month chocolate free? Nobody would know.

Because.

Because this band gives their all in live shows, 110% of the time – irregardless of rented gear, shoddy house sound systems that they are forever having to ‘tweek’, broken down buses, etc – they may arrive hot under the collar because things are not going smoothly but the moment they step on stage, the fans are all that is important.

Because, I’ve seen Ed Roland sing his heart out even while nursing a bad throat; knowing full well he’s doing a show the next night too – the fans in that moment are all that matter to him.

Because even though the band sometimes stands in their own little corners, not interacting as much on stage as I wish (remember the ‘exasperated’ part?), they have a camraderie that is evident. They smile at each other, laugh when fans hold up ‘I love you Dean’ signs or clambor on stage to tackle Cheney, they pull together to get things back on track when a song starts to go sideways- no words; just a look, a gesture, and they all know. They’re a team – a complete unit – the epitome of their name; a Collective of Souls.

And, because they’re human beings who happen to be amazing musicians, singers, and songwriters. Human beings with the same contradictions of ego and self doubt, the same need for control while being overly generous to strangers, the same desire to be well received by their peers, the same feelings of wanting to be accepted for who they are, not what they look like, or how they sound.

Because they respect their fans. I’ve watched Collective Soul with their fans at a meet and greet – three times. I’ve purposely put myself last in the line up just so that I can observe the band with their fans – and it never changes. A desire to put the fans at ease; listening intently to each person with no distractions, as if they were the only person in the room. A quietness of spirit that is evident. And respect. No matter how good a band’s music is, if they don’t respect their fans, I have no use for them.

And because of their music-Ed Roland unashamedly wears his heart on his sleeve for anyone who takes the time to listen to the lyrics. Although many of Collective Soul’s songs are strongly emotional and somewhat sad, conversely they exude an eternal optimism and hopefulness that inspires and uplifts me.

So why am I determined to not cheat, to follow through on this? Because, as difficult as it is, Collective Soul follows through on what they promise fans (things such as fans voting on new exclusive photos for their soon to be released album, or adding additional dates on their upcoming 2009 tour, etc). Because as easy as it might be to have an off night on stage – to slough off here and there when tired, or to just think ‘good enough’, this band doesn’t cheat.

And that’s why I respect them in kind.

No chocolate for me till June 16

thoughts about living

I attended a funeral today and it got me thinking about what’s important in life, of course. Watching tv with my dinner per usual nightly ritual, and they were talking about Susan Boyle, from Idol fame, and how she’s cracked under the pressure. Seems her dream coming true was a great thing, but being speculated about, and hounded by, the press was not so great.

Got me thinking even more about what’s important and what isn’t.

Got an email from the One Campaign – a short video clip of Bob Geldoff inviting One Campaigners to submit a question for the upcoming round of G8 meetings – how aid to Africa has been promised but yet again not delivered upon. Now with a world wide recession it most likely never will be.

What’s important and what isn’t.

Been following a few bands on Twitter – one in particular has been following all their followers back, having one on one conversation with the fans, posting insider photos of the recording process for their new album etc… and things were great. Fans loved it. Kept coming back for more of course. The poor guys take three days off to gear up for their upcoming tour, to have a wrap up party for all the myriad of behind the scenes people who worked bloody hard, and to spend some much needed time with spouses and children, and suddenly a percentage of ‘fans’ have disappeared due to inactivity while others are shocked for the lack of attention.

What’s important in life and what isn’t.

Fame isnt. Family is. Celebrity isnt. Charity is. Generousity of spirit, loyalty to friends and family, love and laughter are what people are going to remember you by, not how famous your name is, or how much money you had.

Funny how this world is so caught up in itself that people lose sight of what really matters in life.

Summer is here!

I always know when the season changes from autumn to winter even if the weather outside seems to still be ‘fall-ish’. The skin around my nail beds dries out and goes scaly. Sometimes overnight. Its very odd.

Conversesly, I also know when winter is over and summer takes over -not spring – summer! How? I’m suddenly able to wear tshirts without long sleeves on top, and more importantly – I have the burning desire to go barefoot! All day. Anywhere.

Its strange – one day I’m wearing winter boots due to cold feet (always always cold feet), next day even my Converse chucks are too much and I strip everything off my feet to wander in the grass in my backyard in bliss.

The last few days have been such days. I love it!

Grassy flashbacks

I’m sitting on the couch in our guest room (really, just a spare room that faces south and is filled with sunshine at present) I can hear the sound of at least 3 lawnmowers in the neighborhood going. My mind works in circles sometimes – one thing will remind me of another which will remind me of a third thing. I’m reminded that I had a flashback this morning while mowing my own lawn.

Mowing lawns can be dangerous – its amazing how many people lose fingers and toes due to putting hands into the cleanout with the motor running or running over their own feet. I was thinking about this fact as I mowed my own grass. And that gave me a flashback to what must be at least 15 yrs ago when I worked in construction as a carpentry apprentice.

I had been hired by a finishing contractor (to learn finishing as part of my 4 yr apprenticeship training) and it was a slow week on the jobsite, so the boss asked me to go to the shop for the day to do some repairs of equipment and such. I arrived that morning and the boss showed me a list of things needing to be done – repairs on electrical cords, replacing brushes and switches in grinders and drills etc – all of which I was more than capable of doing. The last thing on the list was to rip a pile of lumber down to size ‘if’ I was bored and still had time left at the end of the day.

The day went well, and round about lunch time, the only other person in the shop left. Iwas alone for the remainder of the day. On his way out the door, he said if I got finished before quitting time, I could go home early and the boss would be by later to lock up. A few hours later, I was done everything on my list, except ripping the lumber to size. The boss had impressed upon me at the start of the day that if I didnt feel comfortable with the table saw, that it wasnt necessary to do this task.

I had used a table saw a few times on the sites, but the one in the shop was much more powerful than anything I’d used – and yet, I still decided to go ahead. I turned it on, got my lumber ready, put on my safety glasses and started. As I fed the first board into the saw, the blade grabbed the wood, pulled it in and my hand with it! It was so fast I didnt have time to think or react. I shut the saw off and knew I was in trouble. There was blood on the saw table top, and on the floor and I could feel it running down my hand. I didnt want to look for fear of finding my thumb gone, and having First Aid training, I knew I needed to put pressure on the bleed and that I was in shock, so I sat down to think. (and to keep my knees from buckling).

I heard someone come into the shop, so I got up and went out, and told them I’d had an accident with the saw – and they saw me clutching my hand. Without even looking at it, they got me into their car and drove me to the hospital some 5 minutes away. Once there, they did look at it (finally lol)

I had been extremely lucky. The saw blade had cut my thumbnail from tip of nail to just into my cuticle. It had gone deep enough to just touch the flesh under the nail (hence the bleeding). The doctor was very nice to me – asked me how it happened and chided me gently for using such a powerful tool without someone else being there just in case – of course he was dead right. All I could think of was how happy I was to still have my thumb!

So thats my lawnmower story

Writers block

A few years back I read a book called Bono in Conversation (very good book, pick it up, it will amaze you). I distinctly remember a part in that book where Bono is asked about his early experiences with writing (while in high school) and how he had writers block one day and therefore sat in class with a blank page waiting for inspiration. His teacher came over and wanted to know why the young man wasnt writing and instead of accepting the excuse, told Bono – if you dont know what to write about, write about that!

Later Bono would use that advice to write a song on the War album when he didnt know how to start – an album that is one of the most influential albums of that time, the album that launched their careers.

What has this to do with anything? I have writers block! My life is in chaos at present – i’m moving 6 hrs away from where I presently live and have to work out things ohh.. a house to move into, a pet to sort out, boxes to pack or store etc but I still want to blog! And i’ve hit writers block. Which for me is hugely unusual I’m not known for being short on words.

But… here it is 10 minutes later and I’ve written a blog entry. finally. Not my best, no prize winner but hey, its out here hehe.

Emotional Investments

We are in the process of moving about 5 hrs away from where we are currently. We’ve been going ‘up there’ almost weekly to take a load of stuff and look at properties to purchase.

We found a house last week – something with a killer view, 3 minutes into town (I’m moving from a major city to the boonies – i have to be close to the town), but it felt like you were out in the country. It was up on a hill with an 180 degree view of a small lake and some farmland and hills and there was a breeze which I assume would be there all summer. The house itself was old, and needing some updating, but they had done some major renovations to the upstairs already and it was very livable as is. There were things about the house I most definitely didnt like: no place for a tv in the living room, very small bedrooms on the main floor, a deck falling apart – but these were either something we could fix or live with, for the view and the fact it had a workshop out back and a covered garage for all the snow in winter.

When you are house hunting – its very strange. You walk into someone else’s home and have to envision whether or not you can live there and be happy there. You have to imagine your possessions in place of theirs and perhaps new paint colors or walls moved or removed. You also cannot get emotionally attached to it as it’s not yours yet.

However – if you dont become emotionally attached to it on some level – you wont want to pursue it further; ie write an offer on the home to make it yours. Its a Catch-22 and very emotionally draining.

We decided after looking at the house a second time, to put an offer on it. They hadn’t listed it yet, but they did have a real estate agent and were looking for a home to purchase themselves. We waited about 4 days (weekend) before the offer was sent in and they responded. They decided not to sell for another 6 months to year, so we didnt make it on this one.

And I feel deflated. Disappointed? not really. It wasnt the ‘right’ house for us obviously. I firmly believe things happen for a reason, and we didnt get it, so there must be something better out there waiting for us. But it’s an emotional rollercoaster and we’ve hit the downslope. Its time to start again from square one and go look at new (old) houses and find ours.

New video!

I feel like Tom Hanks in that Castaway movie when he dances and shouts “I made fire!”    I made video! Actually my friend and I set out to do a promo video for a band we both very much like and respect, and it was a very unique and fun experience! We co-produced it, I directed it and she starred in it. You can find it below. And dont forget, the entire point of said video is to get you to follow Collective Soul on Twitter